He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
