I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
