Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
