worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
