this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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