my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I need to align my fucking chakras
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
