okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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