he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
