he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
