Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Randomize
