He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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