i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
