That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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