woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
