Banned from zoo.
Again?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
