You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you will always have a special place in my vag
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
