Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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