but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
