my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
