I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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