How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
