so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
