took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
