You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
