that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
