Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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