Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
