Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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