their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
