I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
