Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
