My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
