ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I looked at my own cervix.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
