Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
