I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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