So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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