party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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