It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I will pee on everything he values.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
