ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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