I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
