All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Pants are for mortals
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
