I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
