you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize