A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
50% drunk capacity currently
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
