sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
