in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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