I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
