wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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