I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How's work?
Spinning.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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