Acid is not a monday night drug
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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