I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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