it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
