I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
