Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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