rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
