you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
