life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
