I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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