If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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