i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Come on in and take your pants off
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