We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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