i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
