Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
