I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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