its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize