Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
