I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
