Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
