im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
