Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I could fuck to npr.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize