I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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