My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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