i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
