Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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