I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
