GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
