The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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